This is a hybrid Angry Man/Simple Man. I suppose as they are two parts of my personality, it makes sense that they blend and interact. Otherwise I'd have some clinical disorder. (Which may still be true, but it's not proven.)
My Car Thinks I'm Stupid.
I'm not sure when our metal and plastic cars decided they were smarter than us, but mine definitely thinks so. It just doesn't trust me to do anything myself.
I can't remember to put on my seatbelt.
I can't remember to turn off the lights.
I can't remember to take the keys with me when I leave the car.
I can't remember to change the oil every 3000 miles (which is fair, because I never change it at 3000 miles).
I can't be trusted to close the doors or trunk securely.
Forgetting any of those things will get me an insistent reminder. And it won't wait for me to figure it out, it warns me right away. (It's a bit like a spouse in this regard.)
Then we get to the bigger things:
I can't lock my keys in the car even if I want to. Unless I have three arms to push and hold all the handles and locks and buttons simultaneously.
I can't skid in a cool 80's cop show sort of way.
I can't shift out of park without my foot on the brake.
I can't shift out of park without the key.
I can't take the key out of the ignition unless I'm in park. Not even in neutral.
On my old car, I couldn't start the car without my foot on the clutch, even in neutral.
I can't push my car to the limits of it's power and speed. I'll never know how fast it could actually go.
And there are ugly black and yellow warnings on my sun visors reminding me, every time I get in the car, that the airbags can mash small children into pudding. If my car was black and yellow, I might not mind. But it's red with tan interior.
Here's the thing: I am not stupid.
I may be a bit lazy, occasionally unambitious, now-and-again unfocused, but certainly not stupid.
All the dings and whistles and flashes that tell me I'm doing something wrong don't bother me all that much. (I always wear my seatbelt even without the friendly reminder.) Like everyone else, I just tune them out. But the "safety" items that keep me from doing really stupid things also make working around problems a lot harder.
For example, recently, the lockout mechanism that keeps me from shifting out of park without the key in the ignition has been a bit sticky. I'll have the car started, the key firmly in the ignition, and the gear shift won't move. First of all, my problem is caused specifically by this "smart" feature! Second, I have to use a screwdriver to open a small hatch, then use the key to release the lockout mechanism so I can shift out of park. Of course, I have to stop the engine and take the key out of the ignition to do this. Fortunately, it will at least let me start the car in neutral, otherwise I'd be stuck.
Sure, I'll eventually get it fixed, but because it's part of the steering column, it's going to be complex. And complex equals expensive in everything, especially in cars.
Another example, more an inconvenience than a problem but...On my last car, a manual transmission, I had to depress the clutch to start the car. No big deal, right? Except that in the winter it's nice to start the car before you scrape the ice and snow off so that it warms up a bit before you go anywhere. I couldn't just lean in and start it, I had to actually get in (covered with snow) so I could get a foot on the clutch.
One last example that will slide us into the Simple Man portion of this entry: ABS.
What could I possibly not like about Anti-lock Braking Systems? Do I actually enjoy losing control of my car?
No. In theory, I appreciate ABS and am glad to have it along with good disc brakes. But in practice (especially other people's practice), it's a problem. The problem arises from a concept called risk compensation. Basically, people will push the limits of anything. If they have ABS, they'll drive a little faster and a little closer thereby negating the value of ABS.
Simple Man and Angry Man get together and want people to slow down and recognize conditions. If it's snowing, drive slow. If it's icy, watch the curves. If it's really nasty, stay home.
If Simple Man had his way there would be no power locks. There would be no power windows. No power steering. (I'd allow power brakes.) And NO automatic transmissions.
I believe that automatic transmissions cause accidents.
You can't find any studies to back this up. Any study comparing accident rates for automatic transmissions and manual transmissions will find a higher incidence rate in manual transmissions. This is because the researchers fail to take into consideration the other factors: Manual transmissions are more prevalent on sports cars and sport models of regular cars. These are more likely to be purchased by people with relatively high risk tolerance. Manual transmissions are also more common (especially historically) on cheaper cars. Younger people buy cheaper cars and are more risk tolerant and more likely to have accidents. My point being that the results are skewed not by the transmissions but by related factors. If we could get a study that compared "identical" drivers on two different transmissions, I believe my theory would hold.
I would like driving to be more visceral, more connected to the road, not less. With automatic transmissions, and all the other improvements that have made driving easier and easier, we become divorced from the act of driving. It becomes so easy to control the vehicle, that our minds are not engaged.
A manual transmission requires all four limbs to be engaged in driving. This means both sides of the brain are in on it. Doing other things gets harder. It's pretty hard to carry on a cell conversation without a hands free set, unless your neck and shoulder are a bit more flexible than mine. Ever try to eat an ice cream cone while driving a stick shift? I can get from Baskin-Robbins to my house all in second gear. You've just got to roll the four-way stops and gun it up to speed and then coast with the clutch. (See, that's why people with manual transmissions cause more accidents: It's not because the use of four limbs makes it harder, it's because they're young and stupid.)
Basically, the more of you that's involved in driving, the more of your brain will be involved, too. Any part that's allowed to drift will be less likely dominate the driving part because the brain has to keep jumping in to remind you to brake-clutch-shift-gas-ease the clutch-repeat.
Plus, if we make it harder to drive, teenagers and old people might have more trouble getting/keeping their licenses.
Ah, yes, it's nice to let Angry Man have the last word.
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